Friday, August 7, 2009

Three Manliest Men Ever

Now, if only the previous entries three names could be matched up with these three individuals, we would have proof that superheroes really do exist:

Aron Ralston (

This is the one most people will be familiar with. So Aron was hiking or something Man vs Naturishly awesome and all of a sudden, a giant hurtles towards him and pins his right arm down, preventing him from moving. Four days go by with him just surviving on water (and then that ran out) and when it got to the sixth day of him just, ya know, conquering nature when nature that that they had him, he decided there was only one course of action left to survive. He decided to cut off his own arm, with a pocketknive no less, in order to save his life.

Daniel M'Mburugu (

Daniel was a 73 year old Kenyan peasant farmer who, like many peasant farmers are known to do, was tending to his crops one day when a very aggressive leopard jumped out and made a move at him. Now, I know a great many people who are scared of my dogs and freak out when I am walking them down the street, so imagine for one second how you might act is a freaking leopard were to jump out at you. Lucky for Daniel that he happened to be carrying a machete for his yard work. Unluckily for the leopard, Daniel had apparently transcended the pinnacle of manliness and did not need simple toys like a machete to dispatch this minor nuisance. Apparently, Daniel's machete was only going to slow down his "wild animal tongue ripping out action" were he to continue carrying it, so Daniel dropped it and ripped out the wild animals tongue.

Captain Sigurdur Petursson (

Like most old Icelandic males nicknamed "The Iceman," Sigurdur is a fisherman. Unlike most Icelandic males, regardless of their nickname, Sigurdur holds the disctinction of besting the of the most feared animals on the planet 1 v1 . He saw his crew processing a recent catch, which fills the water with teh blood and guts of said catch, and noticed a 660lbs shark swimming towards them. Did he do what you would have done? No, he did not shriek like a child for his friends to run. Instead, The Iceman ran towards the monstrous beast, grabbed it by its tail and dragged it out of the shallow water to land...where he proceeded to kill it with his knife.

*****Honorable Mention*****

Although this man is not yet a man and is still a boy, I wanted to give an honorable mention to one young Norwegian named Hans Jørgen Olsen. This 12 year old World of Warcraft player used his "nub huntard skillz" to save the life of both him and his sister. Both he and his sister were cornered by a moose while taking a stroll through the forest (I guess as Norwegians do) when a moose that they probably pissed off, as kids do, started making moves towards them. Young Hans utilized the skill that most Warcraft hunters are known for to save the day. In WoW, hunters can basically fake their own death with an ability called (surprise) "feign death." Hans drew the moose away from his sister and did just that. The moose, now distracted by what he thought was a dead night el....errr, little kid went back in the forest to do whatever it is that moose do.

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