Weirdest Dream Ever

Due to the high level of awesome in this dream, I decided to re post it here (from my facebook notes) to spread the weird. At the time I wrote this, I had a very flu like sickness over the weekend that pulled a fast one and mutated into my leg sicko infection again. What none of you know, however, is the adventure that happened one night over the weekend while under the effects of my flu medicine....

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So there I was, sitting in my house, when none other than James Fairchild decides to give me a call using a cellular device. Upon answering the phone, I can barely make out what James is saying due to the explosions I hear in the background and two distinctly different, yet inaudible, voices battling for supreme noise dominance. All I could make out from what James said was, "we can't do it without one more...can you be the fourth?" So, obviously, with the explosions and talk of needing a fourth, he must be talking about playing the popular X-Box 360 game called Halo 3, and just be in need of a fourth player to help them online or something so I said yes. Instantly, I hear a knock on my door and, before I can even get up to answer it, the door gets knock open and I hear James yell, "Come outside and get in the spaceship." It was at this point that I should have suspected something was not right, but, sadly, I did not, so off I went.

When I got to the spaceship of which Mr. Fairchild was speaking, I saw two other individuals sitting next to him. The first, many of you know but I am not sure how many of you have met yet. His name? Donkey Kong...yes, THAT Donkey Kong. He was shorter than I imagined. The other gentlemen I did not recognize or ever actually hear his name. I can tell you, however, that he was a tall, fair skinned Pig-Man of some sort who seemed to be working for some branch of the military. We all put on our space travel helmets and the spaceship took off taking us to our destination.

When we arrived at this unknown planet and got off the ship, Sgt Pig-Man dragged with him two very heavy looking crates that were covered with a very military looking, stencil/warning label that read, "Danger: Really Awesome and Dangerous Weapons." At this point, I knew that, no matter what we were doing, we had the fire power to back it up. Donkey Kong opened the crates and started handing out the contents to all four of us. Each crate was filled with an assortment of slightly oversized fruits and vegtables. As this point, I knew that, no matter what we were doing, we had a healthy and balanced snack to accompany our journey. And that was when the explosions started.

We ran for what seemed like a lifetime, but whenever I asked James or Sgt Pig-Man how much farther we had to go, they would just look at me and say, "Slide on the ice." We were getting attacked by an army of ninja bears on foot and they were being given air cover by what looked like, from my view from the ground, t-rex piloted fighter jets. I just knew that we ere doomed, but then I saw Donkey Kong throw a slightly oversized strawberry at one of the jets and it exploded into thousands of frowning emoticons. It seemed, at that point, that our weapons weren't so bad after all. Donkey Kong, being the only person unable to speak "English" in our group, seemed to be getting more excited the closer we got to the top of this tree like fortress we seemed to be invading. When I asked James what we were here for, he just looked at me and said, "Slide on the ice." Since that was all either he or Pig-Man had said to me since arriving, I will admit, it started to make a slittle more sense.

We finally got about forty yards from the top and then they was a giant explosion as the route we were taking got blown up by those clever pilots. Donkey Kong then pulled out four very special bunches of bananas and handed them to each of us. He threw his into the air and we all followed suit. What happened next, very much resembled the old Sonic the Hedgehog game when you would be running really fast and hit the series of springy things that would shoot you higher and higher into the air where you would hit the next one etc etc. Replace springy things with explosions and it was the same. Then we landed on top of the fortress and what we found there, I would have never expected.

On top of the fortress was a single, golden banana. Donkey Kong peeled back the shimmering skin as a tear rolled down his cheek. After he ate he, he grew to triple the size he was when I met him and had aquired the ability to talk and this is what he said:

"12 Banana...General Swine...brown stranger...thank you all for helping me get the golden banana. With this banana, I will have the strength to reunite my lost kingdom and the gift of human speak to gain admittance into a progressive four year university that can offer me a degree in industrial engineering. For that, I cannot that you enough. And now, we fly..."

Then the four of us flew away from the fortress as it blew up behind us and, while flying, I looked at 12 Banana and General Swine and simply said, "Slide on the ice."

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That is when I woke up from what was possibly the weirdest (and likely most medicine fueled) dream I have ever had.

Three Manliest Men Ever

Now, if only the previous entries three names could be matched up with these three individuals, we would have proof that superheroes really do exist:

Aron Ralston (http://tinyurl.com/bxs7nd)

This is the one most people will be familiar with. So Aron was hiking or something Man vs Naturishly awesome and all of a sudden, a giant hurtles towards him and pins his right arm down, preventing him from moving. Four days go by with him just surviving on water (and then that ran out) and when it got to the sixth day of him just, ya know, conquering nature when nature that that they had him, he decided there was only one course of action left to survive. He decided to cut off his own arm, with a pocketknive no less, in order to save his life.


Daniel M'Mburugu (http://tinyurl.com/2v62mb)

Daniel was a 73 year old Kenyan peasant farmer who, like many peasant farmers are known to do, was tending to his crops one day when a very aggressive leopard jumped out and made a move at him. Now, I know a great many people who are scared of my dogs and freak out when I am walking them down the street, so imagine for one second how you might act is a freaking leopard were to jump out at you. Lucky for Daniel that he happened to be carrying a machete for his yard work. Unluckily for the leopard, Daniel had apparently transcended the pinnacle of manliness and did not need simple toys like a machete to dispatch this minor nuisance. Apparently, Daniel's machete was only going to slow down his "wild animal tongue ripping out action" were he to continue carrying it, so Daniel dropped it and ripped out the wild animals tongue.


Captain Sigurdur Petursson (http://tinyurl.com/lewxsu)

Like most old Icelandic males nicknamed "The Iceman," Sigurdur is a fisherman. Unlike most Icelandic males, regardless of their nickname, Sigurdur holds the disctinction of besting the of the most feared animals on the planet 1 v1 . He saw his crew processing a recent catch, which fills the water with teh blood and guts of said catch, and noticed a 660lbs shark swimming towards them. Did he do what you would have done? No, he did not shriek like a child for his friends to run. Instead, The Iceman ran towards the monstrous beast, grabbed it by its tail and dragged it out of the shallow water to land...where he proceeded to kill it with his knife.

*****Honorable Mention*****

Although this man is not yet a man and is still a boy, I wanted to give an honorable mention to one young Norwegian named Hans Jørgen Olsen. This 12 year old World of Warcraft player used his "nub huntard skillz" to save the life of both him and his sister. Both he and his sister were cornered by a moose while taking a stroll through the forest (I guess as Norwegians do) when a moose that they probably pissed off, as kids do, started making moves towards them. Young Hans utilized the skill that most Warcraft hunters are known for to save the day. In WoW, hunters can basically fake their own death with an ability called (surprise) "feign death." Hans drew the moose away from his sister and did just that. The moose, now distracted by what he thought was a dead night el....errr, little kid went back in the forest to do whatever it is that moose do.

Three Manliest Names Ever

In an effort to get back in the habit of writing a few more things on ye olde blog, I am going to add this short entry as a part one of sorts for a two part tribute to manliness. In part 1, I offer you, my humble reader, the chance to read some of the manliest names in existence. Part 2 will bring you a few of the most manly acts of manliness ever to grace the world.

For the names, here are the best three that I have run across in my various journeys on the interwebz.

Enjoy!

Number 3: Elliot Bonebrake - a Kansas based Chiropractor (http://www.findlocalchiropractor.net/Kansas/Elliott-Bonebrake-Chiropractic-Clinic-32955.html)

Number 2: Sultan McDoom - Vice President for Product Engineering at Menara Networks (http://www.menaranet.com/company_management.htm)

Number 1: Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster - Computer Technician with the Army National Guard (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/09/27/iraq/main575441.shtml)

King of Pop

Although it has been a few days now since the passing of Michael Jackson, I have to admit that I am still a little sad that he has gone. It seems that most of the stuff I see online about him since his passing lands on the realm of one or two distinct extremes. First, there is the sincere and heartfelt sadness in the "we will miss you MJ" type posts/articles/status updates out there and then there is the much more crass and harsh stuff focusing on his rather questionable last decade or so. Now, granted, I am a fan of off color jokes as much as just about anyone...hell, even more than most at times, but I find myself having a hard time even thinking about making these jokes about him right now. It wasn't until early this morning that I realized that there is a commonality shared by most of those spreading the latter message that I do not share and which is probably the reason I have not (and probably won't) been making any of these jokes myself. I realize that most of the people are much younger than I am. Working at a college campus, I do not see age as much as someone who is not around such a broad spectrum might. Daily, I interact with people whose ages can range from 17 to 55. I forget sometimes that the people I see a lot or talk with online are much younger than I am. I do not mean to say that their youth implies immaturity in this regard, more so I mean that those people who are making these comments, for the most part at least, knew a different Michael Jackson than I did.

Again, I realize how weird things got from about the late 90s on with him and I couldn't tell you the most recent song of his that I actually like, but I do know that he was essentially the composer to the soundtrack of my youth. Regardless of what else he ever might have done, that always remained in my mind when I thought of MJ. Granted, sometimes it was in sadness as we watched his life seem to spiral down into some weird places, but I still feel sad now that someone who quite literally changed the world is no longer with us. Many people called him a musical genius, but I think he might have even transcended that as well. For all intents and purposes, he made music and a part of American (and global in some ways) culture what it is today. Was he a little strange? Yeah. I am sure that was the case when he first embarked on a solo career although the public did not see that as much. Most geniuses throughout history have a little strange in them...that might even be why they are geniuses.

I do not write this to chastise anyone who has made jokes at his expense, rather I write this to pay my respects to a man who could keep me riveted to a television set when I was growing up, whose dance moves made someone (me) not even interested in dancing get up and make a fool of myself trying to emulate him, a man who, at one time, quite literally ruled the world and a man who, for a quarter of a century, made music that just about everyone on this planet knew all the words to and sang along with.

This is the Michael Jackson that I will always remember. This is the Michael Jackson that I will miss.



Michael Jackson, you truly were the King of Pop. Please know that, no matter what else people may say or write about you, you have had a lasting impact on this entire planet and on this one humble geek.

Rest in Peace

Greatest Sports Comeback Ever?

Being in Texas, I am sure many people have seen this. Hell, I remember seeing this video a long time ago...I just didn't realize it was Plano East and that they were playing in Dallas. This is the greatest comeback in the history of sports. I challenge someone to prove me wrong on this.

The Haters out there will especially enjoy last 37 seconds.

I will not spoil it for those of you who have not seen it.

Taco Town = Denny's?

It is my sincere hope that the few random people reading this (well, everyone on the planet that has either a television or an internet connection) has seen the now several year old "Taco Town" sketch/commercial that was on SNL. It definitely marked the beginning of the return of SNL to mainstream awesome at least in my eyes. It stars Andy Samberg, Jason Sudekis and, one of the funniest men on the planet, Bill Hader. To me, it is a quite hilarious, albiet exaggerated, critique of the "high stakes" advertising that so much of the world does now. For the few of you who have not seen it before, here it is to get an idea of what I mean:



Now, I mentioned above that is is exaggerated, but I did not know how close to home it was until today. I went through what is fast becoming my "Pre-Ulduar" Saturday morning of leveling alts for a bit before heading out to Denny's with Keith. When we got there, I looked over the menu for some reason (even though I knew what I was going to order before we even left our house) and that, my friends, is when I saw it. Staring at me on the glossy breakfast insert of the suprisingly orange scented Denny's menu was the most real life version of a "Taco Town" product I have seen to date. I took a pic on my terrible Helio phone (note, must resist urge to look at iPhones online more) and here it is with the actual words written below it.



All of your favorite ingredients from the original Grand Slam - two scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage and pancakes with syrup - topped with melted American cheese and hand wrapped in a flour tortilla. All grilled and served with crispy hash browns.

That blew me away. Don't get me wrong, I like TERRIBLE food...I really do, but this seems a bit excessive, right? I did not order this, but a big part of me wanted to order it just to see it. I still cannot wrap my mind around how this would look. Initially, my biggest speed bumps along the path to imagining this monstrosity of a meal revolved around my subconscious not allowing a plate to be out of the equation before the tortilla was wrapped around it. Once I got over that, I was, and still am, baffled on the sheer principle of it essentially being "New Pancake Burrito: now featuring meat!"

I really might have to go back in the next few days and ask one of the cooks if I can just see this thing so it will stop haunting my waking dreams. Until then, thoughts of the logistics of how such a thing can actually be may make me end up turning a little Jack Torrance-y until I receive a visual ID on this bad boy.

I'm off now to read up some more on the Captain Britain and MI: 13 that I keep hearing so many great things about (but that was sadly canceled I believe) and spend some time with the wife.

Keep it real internetz...keep it real

Why would this make me drink Diet Coke?

I am sure most of you who have been to an american movie theater in the past few months have seen the, in my mind, rather silly Diet Coke commerical that is attached to the "pre game show" as it were (at least down here in Texas). For those that haven't, here it is:







That, my friends, is Mr. Tom Colicchio...someone who wikipedia tells me is a noted American celebrity chef. Given the option of all the crap he mocks in the commerical would make even me pick Diet Coke over them and I dislike Diet Coke.


Also, I love the waiter at the 25 second mark. With that one simple look, he lets our dear Tom know, "Hey man, you are so right. I mean, I know you chose to come into the place that I work for, apparently, only a Diet Coke since the rest of this place it too gimmicky, over complicated and full of fads, but with your simple hand gesture when you waved away my services you told me that there is a better way to achieve maximum sophistication while keeping complication to a minimum. Thanks to that, I think I will go to one of your craft restaurants to get some food and/or drinks that are not overcomplicated."



This brings me to his restaurants (here is the website: http://www.craftrestaurant.com/craft_style.html) where, i kid you not, the top bar has the following drop down headings:

• Craft
• Craftbar
• Steakcraft
• Wichcraft
• Reservations/Hours

Now, maybe it's just the geek in me, but when I hear of something called "wichcraft," no matter how it is spelled, I think of witches. Maybe I am overanalyzing the gimmickyness or over complication with that simple heading, so I will move on to some choice options at his restaurants. Before reading the few things I will highlight, please keep in mind the the big finish in the commercial (which caused our dear waiter to internally expound the entire italicized paragraph above) is from adding garnish to his Diet freaking Coke which was too much for him:

• Wagyu Carpaccio, Pickled Quail Egg & Fingerling Potatoes
• Piballes & Sweet Garlic
• Olive Oil Poached Day Boat Cod, Morels, Fava Beans & Razor Clams
• Poached Guinea Hen, Wild Onion, White Asparagus & Tortelli
• Elysian Fields Lamb & Hearts, Baby Artichoke & Ramps
• Coconut Yogurt Baravois, Basil Syrup & Pineapple
  
• Chocolate Ganache Tart, Cocoa Nib & Creamsicle Ice Cream

That list does not even include his section on mushrooms...an entire section on mushrooms! Now, granted, I am not what you would call "sophisticated" or "mature" or "smart," but nothing about the few things that I just shared with you gives me the impression that he is following what he is so masterfully preaching in his 30 second Diet Coke commercial. The options he puts forth are very similar to a point brought up by one of the greatest philosophical thinkers of our age...Mr. Eddie Izzard: